I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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