in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
