just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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