in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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