Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize