i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
