I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
