if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
