I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize