I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
