I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
