this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
