i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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