oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
