i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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