i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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