Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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