i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
