her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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