Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
