Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
being pregnant is like rehab
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
