If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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