My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
operation have a gay friend backfired
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
