Moan for me like Helen Keller
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
