After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
