you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A bitchslap is in order.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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