I wish I could punch you in the face.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dicks are not precious.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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