Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
