And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
