...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
