Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
