tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
