the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
