so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
