so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize