who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
