Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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