i can't believe i had my finger in that
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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