He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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