Christians are straight up FREAKS
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
