Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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