he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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