I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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