pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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