my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize