Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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