We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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