My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
