I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm just crazy horny about you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
