You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
