he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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