...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
