Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize