When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
