First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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