he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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