i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
