She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
