Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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