Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
