trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
