tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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