Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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