You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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