of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
