I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can text with my tongue
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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