ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
