someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
