So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
