dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
