you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
