just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
