the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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