Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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