he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
