Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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