Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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