and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
