I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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