I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
