i barfeds in our rink
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize