So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
