so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
