The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
