I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
