he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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