My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
