before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
