what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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