i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
