I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't turn off my feet"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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