I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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