I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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