I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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