dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
