I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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