Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
