Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
