I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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