but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
