My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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